I doubted Jussie Smollett. It breaks my heart that I might be right.

By Nana Efua Mumford,

On Jan. 29, Jussie Smollett, who plays Jamal Lyon [on Empire], the openly gay heir to the show’s hip-hop record label throne, was allegedly attacked in a baroque hate crime. He told police that his attackers immediately identified him as a gay actor from “Empire,” then proceeded to yell racial and homophobic slurs, shout “this is MAGA country,” pour an unknown chemical on him and place a noose around his neck.

The story has since become even more complicated: The Chicago police questioned two Nigerian brothers, one of whom said that he played a small part on “Empire,” about their possible role in the attack. As of this writing, the department is seeking to interview Smollett again; he has hired a criminal defense attorney.

But even before these latest details emerged, when I first heard of the attack on Smollett, I had to pause.

I had a terrible feeling that I was victim blaming, or worse, that I am so brainwashed that I no longer can hear cries of hurt and outrage from my own black community. It was a horrifying feeling that I am still trying to work through almost three weeks later.

Perhaps I don’t want to believe him because this is a stark and scary reminder of the poor condition of the country (and city) that I call home. Maybe this story makes the boogeyman in my nightmares all too real, too close and too calculating. Maybe it’s because while I consider myself an ally to the LGBTQ community, I still don’t understand and appreciate the daily harassment that they endure. Or maybe even though I am a black woman, I still don’t know what it’s like to be a black man in America.

Over the past few hours, there have been speculations that have confirmed my worst fears. Unnamed “police sources” have claimed that Smollett orchestrated the entire thing.

More From The Washington Post: