An Atheist Can Respect Prayer

By Andy Ngo,

A kind woman in a church taught me that mocking faith is a bad approach.

I once attended a series of debates between a local atheist and a pastor in a suburban Portland, Ore., church. It was 2011, heyday of the New Atheism movement led by men like Richard Dawkins, Sam Harris and the late Christopher Hitchens.

I had left Christianity only a few years earlier and found myself anxious and uncomfortable entering a church. I stood in a corner and kept to myself. A woman noticed my antisocial behavior and introduced herself as a member of the congregation. She welcomed me, asked about my life, and brought me a soft drink and pizza from the kitchen. She also introduced me to her adult son, who was equally welcoming.

When I attended the next installment later in the summer, I saw the kind church woman again. As before, she greeted me warmly. I asked about her son, but she awkwardly declined to answer, which I found strange. Perhaps she could tell I was gay, I thought. I felt a bit duped, as if the prior nice act was just a bait-and-switch to get me to come back to the church. I chose not to sit near her this time.

After the debate, she pulled me aside to the kitchen. I thought she was cornering me to proselytize. Instead, she told me her son had killed himself a few weeks earlier: “He used a gun.” She told me that prayers and her faith in God had barely kept her afloat: “It’s all I have.”

A friend of mine, a fellow atheist, walked up. Reflecting on the debate topic, he proceeded to mock faith, the Bible and prayer. “None of it’s true and it doesn’t work,” he said, unaware of the woman’s tragedy. She began to shake, and tears welled in her eyes. My friend walked away, feeling triumphant in her silence.

I vowed never to be that type of atheist again.

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